Almost everyone has a social media account trying to get as many ‘likes’ on each post to increase the feeling of acceptance or importance in one’s community or generation. I have observed and experienced the highs and the lows of wanting to “please” others to feel worthy or have a sense of belonging at work, with friends, and with family.
I did not realize how damaging the process of being a “people pleaser” is to my self-care and well-being. Maybe it starts in childhood when we are some of us are learning what it means to be a socially conscious individual. As a child, some individuals are taught to be helpful and caring to others “sharing is caring” as the kindergarten teacher would say. However, I do not remember being taught to “balance” my care for others with my care for myself. I understand that as a child my brain may not have been developed enough to understand the concept of self-care.
However, one could debate that the word “share” can be the definition of “balance” when caring for others and providing self-care. There is always talk about “team” goals and accomplishments in a personal or business model which could incorporate balance when sharing tasks to achieve the goal. I think some burnout symptoms may come from individuals who take advantage of those who are kind, caring, and helpful. These optimistic individuals may believe that if they support an individual wants, needs, or request in a personal and professional situation then the individual who makes the request will embrace the caring and kindness and “pay it forward” to someone else.
That is not what typically occurs! This can lead to the optimistic individual consistently attempting to please the requesting individual by going “above and beyond” with completing every task and request hoping the requesting individual will acknowledge the kindness and embrace doing the same to others. If the requesting individual uses micro-managing, manipulation, guilt, threats, or bullies the optimistic individual it can present struggles of low self-esteem and burnout. I personally experienced bullying in my childhood and other unhealth society concerns that lead me to think that if I provide care and support for others above and beyond my self-care, people pleasing, then I would be promoting the kindness I would have like to receive. As an adult, I realize it does not work that way! Balancing the care and support for others with my self-care and well-being is the best way to promote kindness. Those individuals who do not comprehend that caring for oneself is just as important as caring for someone else could be searching for acknowledgement, approval, or love in all the wrong places.
Voices of Burnout (VOB) 