“I know he/she well!” Is it a helpful statement?

“It is okay to be supportive, just don’t be a know-it-all” Patricia Osborne Randolph, Creator and President of VOB

There are times when an individual may use the statement “I know he/she well” about someone they have known for a long time. How reliable is a long relationship with someone, to the knowledge of his/her characteristics, interests, and skills in the present moment? That statement has been used at work about co-workers or management. It has also been used in a friend or family relationship. The statement may exist from the development of trust and a sense of feeling safe in the relationship from past shared experiences.

A professional work example is an individual may use the statement about a co-worker abilities and skills when speaking to management that could lead to a promotion. This maybe considered helpful. A personal example of using the statement is volunteering someone service to help others, when the individual is trying to focus on increasing self-care. This can be harmful.

The statement can be used as an attempt to vouch for someone behaviors or mindset. Would it be heart-breaking or selfish to not know the behaviors or characteristic of others? People abilities, behaviors, characteristics, interests, or flaws may change or develop with age and further life experiences. Using that statement may limit or suppress the ability to grow mentally or take accountability for wrong doings. Individuals in long-term relationships may struggle with accepting the change in others developing the “I know (him/her) well” statement.

Those individuals who the statement is about may not feel comfortable or trust others to share because of concerns of hurting feelings, being rejected, or teased. The word “fake” has been used about an individual who does not display “known” past behavior, characteristics, or shared interests. It is common to feel that you know someone behaviors, characteristics, or interests after years of interactions. However, if there is no communication or observation for 24 hours and 7 days a week that statement may not be true.

Work on listening and asking permission before sharing knowledge about others. It is mentally healthy to accept individuals for who they are now, NOT who they were in the past.